Realization

I realize that I'm not perfect and that things I do are not always percieved as the right thing to do. Just because I don't show emotion on the outside does not mean that I don't have compassion, because I do, but there are things that don't bring me to tears. Yet, there are times that the slightest thing can break me down to a mess.
I was always closest to my dad and even though he couldn't use his hands, his arms would wrap around me with the strongest hugs. My mom, who does have the use of her hands and arms has always given me a dead fish. Just like a dead fish handshake, her hugs were dead fish. Since I am an only child and the closest family I have is either 15 hours into Mexico or I don't know how many hours in New Jersey, I don't have the big family bond that others experience. Furthermore, I always bonded more with boys than girls and since boys don't cry and talk about their feelings, well you get the picture. When I did encounter a gal who I could get long with, you could say we had the boy thing in common. We both would get along better with the guys than hang with the girls and growing up, if one of us did have troubles one would assume the strong support role with no tears.
Only one feeling can break me down and that is the pain of my own heartbreak.
The pain that is caused when a father and daughter are involved,
witnessing the pain of an animal,
an older man going through pain(father figure)
Even when a fictional charater goes through pain. (Simba, Edward Scissorhands) all male with exception of animals.
But when it comes to other women, my eyes are dry. I assume the strong supportive role and attempt to provide consolation, but other than that, I don't tear up.
Now, at 36, sometimes I feel like I've missed out on the benefits of sisterhood.
Wow, talk about mother issues...